Learning to simplify

The last few days I have been spending a lot of time working on Week in The Life by Ali Edwards. I love that I have felt part of something real and big and special to me. I love that I have connected with many people all over the globe. I love that I have spent time going through my stash, my layout sketches, Pinterest pins and all the wonderful posts on Week in the Life on Facebook.


Unfortunately, I am the kind of person that is all in, or all out, and living with my disability has changed that. I am frustrated that I cannot multi task like I used to do. I am frustrated that there is not enough time in the day to read every amazing post or blog about Week In The Life, and to focus on my own.

Some of it is procrastination. I have not completed a single scrapbook layout in 2 1/2 years. In some ways I am afraid. I have a block that I'm working to get past. 2 1/2 years ago I was involved in a domestic violence incident and some of the causes had to do with disagreement over my hobbies. Of course, that was only one small part of it, but I have internalized the pain and the fear and the grief that came with it. No one ever expects to find themselves abused, or their family abused by a loved one. I love Ali's post today that we need to remember that her posts are HER life, and that it is very different from our own. One of the hardest things for me is not comparing myself to others. I look at friends, acquaintances, and others I interact with and think "why can't my life be more like that"? I wanted my life to be a certain way by the time I was a grandmother. I didn't ever expect to be living with one of my children (although it is an amazing and difficult thing all at the same time), and I didn't expect to develop a disability.

I'm finding a new way to live my life. Part of doing this project for me is re-evaluating life. Life as I'm living it right now. There are so many things that I want to change about my life. Unfortunately, some of it I cannot change. I cannot make the migraines go away. I cannot immediately drop over 100 lbs. I cannot magically make my crafting/bedroom space any bigger than it is.

However, I CAN stop procrastinating and dive in. I can find lots of freebies on Pinterest, I can find inspiration and support in the Facebook Week in the Life community and the Week in The Life Community on Ali's web page. And I can actually begin!

So, today, even though I don't feel very good, I'm going to make an attempt to work on my pages. I didn't buy Ali's kit (finances are very tight) and I have a huge stash anyway. So, I'm going to take the time to really start putting together my plan for my album. I documented my week last week, so I have the pictures, I have the words, I just need to begin.  And, I have to remember that if I can only manage 20 minutes, that's ok. If I'm able to do more than that, that's ok. I don't like that something outside my control (my migraines and how I feel physically) dictates how much time and how much effort I can ever put into something. I'm not good at accepting change. And I never wanted my life to be like this. But the reality is that it is like this. And I want to find the good, the joy, the blessings amongst the difficulties.

Documenting my life this year is a journey inward and a challenge to myself to love my life no matter how it is. This is about real life after all!